No matter what your ex- did to you, don’t do anything in revenge. It’s always better to take the high road and be the better person.

If you like, you can think of it as karma, and that whatever bad things the ex- did will eventually circle back and smack him/her. Life isn’t quite as tidy as that, and unfortunately people do get away with doing some pretty horrible things and pay no direct consequences. But someone who continually treats others bad eventually does get his/her due.

You can also think of it that stooping so low to commit any acts of revenge is dirtying yourself. You’re better than that. If your desire for revenge is because your ex- did something bad to you, then remind yourself that you’re better than that and you don’t want to be on that level.

Revenge fantasies only prolong your pain

For me, the most overwhelming reason not to act out any revenge scenarios is the same theme that I’ve repeated over and over in this guide. The moment your ex- breaks up with you, all of your focus should be on YOU, on YOUR healing, on YOUR life and on YOUR future.

Any time you spend thinking about revenge scenarios on the ex- is just prolonging your own pain. Of course it feels good, like a drug almost, to think about hurting your ex-. But the reality is that it doesn’t matter for YOU and it won’t help YOU. Plotting revenge just keeps you focused on the ex- and wastes time that you should be spending on yourself.

And if you actually go ahead and enact your revenge, it will most likely leave you feeling empty. It won't change the fact that your relationship is over, it won't stop the pain that your brain feels from the rejection, and it will be an incredible disappointment to realize that you only lowered yourself and got very little in return.

There’s a cliché that the best revenge against your ex- is to live well. There’s some truth in that.

But for me, even that saying is essentially wrong because the focus is still on the ex- and doing better than him/her. It still represents feelings of some sort which you have towards your ex-, and that's wrong. It's important to emphasize to yourself that there’s no competition between you and the ex- to get a new partner, have a better life, or score higher on some imaginary scale of happiness.


I can’t repeat often enough: nothing about the ex- matters. It’s all about YOU.

Someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, you will truly be over the ex-.

And when you are, you’ll realize that revenge and competition and comparisons are meaningless.

The opposite of love is indifference

Hatred, desire for revenge, scorn, bitterness… all those are still emotions and feelings about your ex- and distracting your focus from where it should be: on YOU.

When you’re completely healed, you’ll have what is the true opposite of love: indifference. What your ex- is doing, what new romantic relationship s/he has… none of it matters to you more than simple curiosity about someone from your past.

You don’t tremble at saying his/her name, you aren’t scared of bumping into him/her, the thought of him/her with a new partner doesn’t cause a wave of emotions.

It’s just a memory from your past.