What To Do Immediately After the Breakup
Like everyone, I did the wrong thing in the first hours after my ex- broke up with me. I begged. I ran away, came back, then ran away again. I called non-stop. I texted crazy things. I cried to my ex-. I wanted to kill myself. I was certain my life was over.
This website is a long and detailed guide to recovering as quickly as possible after a breakup or divorce and coming out of it strong and complete. As you go through the recovery process, I hope you can benefit from all the detail of each article.
But in the first hours after the breakup, I know that you’re in shock and can barely think straight. So this is a very short emergency plan of what you should do immediately, starting now. The closer you follow this plan now, the better your life will be later.
Cut off all contact with your partner. This is urgent. Any contact you have with him or her right now is going to be bad. You’re so emotional that anything you say or do will just make things worse.
No phone calls, no smses, no communication at all. Block him/her on all social media.
Again: nothing. No contact, not a word.
If s/he is trying to call you, don’t answer. Just send a very short text message: “I’m sorry, but I really can’t talk now. I’ll contact you when I’m ready." No more than that; nothing personal, nothing about your feelings, no questions. Nothing.
And then turn off your phone or block his/her number.
I know it seems cold, but remember: your partner just broke up with you. You have no obligation towards him/her anymore.
And to the extent that there’s any chance for reconiciliation, cutting off contact now will significantly help you and prevent you from doing anything you’ll very much regret later.
Call friends or family and ask for help.You shouldn’t be alone. Don’t be anywhere near your partner. If you live with your partner, pack a bag and go stay with your family or friends. If you work with your partner, take a day off and leave immediately.
Stay put. If you’re going to meet with or stay with friends or family, definitely go. Go for a walk if you’d like. But no pointless driving; you’re in no state to drive a car. And no spontaneous trips to nowhere; it’ll just complicate your life even more.
No violence. Not against your ex-, not against yourself. If you’re thinking of suicide, I understand, I went through it too. Please read through this site from beginning to end, though; I think it will help you understand better what’s happening to you.
Don’t jump straight into the arms of another person. You won’t get any comfort, it serves no purpose for you or as revenge, and it could cause serious problems for you, your partner, and the new person. You can think about rebound relationships later, but it will only be a disaster if you start in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. Stay with friends, not a lover.
Alcohol, drugs, food. Everyone has their escape of choice. Later down the road, you shouldn’t do any of this. But in the first hours or day after a breakup, it’d be unrealistic and counter-productive to lecture you that you shouldn’t. So just use moderation. No driving. And stay with a friend.
If you’re following all these steps now, congratulations. You’re already doing much better than 99% of people following a breakup. It will help a lot.
When I was dumped, I hated all the platitudes and clichés people told me that I’ll be ok and everything will be great. So I won’t bother telling you that.
Instead, I simply suggest you take a look through this site when you’re ready and learn about the physiology of what you’re suffering, how to deal with the pain, and steps to feel better. Use the navigation bar below to go to the main Topic List for this site, or jump straight in to the first article.