The ex- is “the one" for you,
you’ll never find anyone again
& you’re doomed to die alone
I know it’s absolutely impossible to imagine that you’ll ever find anyone else, let alone anyone better than your ex-. Everyone tells you that it’s a big ocean, lotsa fish, of course you’ll find someone…
...but you know that in your case, they're 100% wrong, you’ve found the one and only person who can be with you and you’ll never ever find anyone ever again.
Here’s some ways I’ve seen to deal with this issue.
First, recognize that your breakup pain-stricken brain is what’s driving you to think this way. You’ve been rejected. Everything in your brain is programmed to force you back to the person who rejected you, to do anything to be back together, to think it’s literally impossible to survive without him/her.
Pain of rejection blinds you to reality
You idolize your ex- and the relationship, you’re blind to the idea that there are lots of other people who could fit as well with you – in a different way, of course, since every human relationship is different – but who can make you just as happy or even more so.
The pain is so great that it’s blinding you to the reality of so many other possibilities in the world.
Next: basic reality check.
If the ex- really were “the one" for you, s/he wouldn’t have broken up with you and caused you this pain.
It’s harsh and cold to say it, but it’s the truth.
And for all of you who’ve gone through the breakup make-up breakup cycle several times with the same partner, stop it! The drama and emotional roller-coaster might make it seem so exciting and so interesting, and if that’s what you really want, have fun… but for most people in the real world, it’s just a total waste of time and won’t lead to any type of long-term, stable, loving, nurturing relationship.
Another idea is to make a list of all the things you didn’t like about your ex-. Get your friends to join in, if you want.
In my case, I was already pretty realistic about the good and the bad with my relationship, so I knew exactly what the problems were. For me, the key was to force myself to try to realize that the bad points between us were what led to the breakup, that there was nothing I could do to change the ex-, and that no matter how well we fit, those points were going to be deal-breakers sooner or later.
Tear down the false idol
Being realistic about the ex- and the relationship helps avoid creating a fictional image in your mind which every new relationship will be compared to.. and the new partner will inevitably be found inferior.
The reality of a new relationship can never compete with the fictionalized mythic ex- you create in your mind. Even long before you start dating again, you have to de-idolize the ex- and the relationship and see it clearly for what it was.
Finally, recognize that thinking you’ll never find anyone else is just a pity party. It’s a combination of breakup pain, depression and self-pity. Like any pity party, you control how long it’s going to last, and you can stop it.